Playing Catch-Up

So I haven't posted at all in the last week or so, and that's because SO MUCH has happened. The first few days were just normal school days here at Tzuba, so there wasn't much to blog about. The last four days, however, have been non-stop crazy busy, so I haven't had time to do anything (plus we left the kibbutz for two nights and I didn't bring my computer with me. So, here's the run down of the past four days:

     On Wednesday, September 21st, NFTY EIE went to The Israel Museum. Here, we saw and ENORMOUS model of ancient Jerusalem (from around the time of King Herod--37-4 BCE) and learned about the four main sects of Judaism that existed at that (three of which ended up dying out within the next few centuries). We then traveled to the other end of the museum to see the Dead Sea Scrolls, and a giant metal sculpture that reads "ahava", which means "love". On the way out, we also got to see an exhibit at this museum called "NanoBible"... the exhibit features a tiny metal chip that has every word of the Tanakh engraved into it. After finishing up at the museum, the group headed back home to Tzuba, where we packed up our rooms in preparation for our three day tiyul off campus.

Giant model of ancient Jerualem

"Ahava" sculpture

NanoBible

     On Thursday morning, we put most of our belongings in classrooms and took enough for three days with us on the bus. We drove to "the Old City", meaning the older, more traditional part of Jerusalem. We ate great food, toured ancient palaces, and visited the remains of the Second Temple. We were there for about 10 hours; there's so much to say. But long story short, it was a day full of the history of the Jewish people, and how they (we) persevered through destruction. After our time in the Old City, we drove about an hour and a half to a youth hostel at the base of Masada, a free-standing mountain by the Dead Sea. We had dinner and services at the hostel, and the lights went out by 9:00 p.m. so we could energize for the next day...

2,000 year old remains

      Friday morning was insane. We woke up at 4 a.m., and were hiking Masada by 5:15 in order to catch the sunrise from the top of the mountain. The trail was incredibly steep, and comprised mainly of uneven, rocky stairs. It took me about 50 minutes of huffing, puffing, sweating, and crying to finish. Given my preexisting foot injuries, I didn't think I'd be able to make it to the top, but thanks to the support of my peers, I was able to lead our morning prayers with my friend Jillian as the sun was just rising. Now, I did have to take the cable car down from the mountain earlier than my classmates (who were hiking down later) because I was in so much pain, but I did it. I pushed through and I did it, and that's what I care about. I mean hey, I might as well do it while I'm young and my body heals faster, right? Anyway, we all got back to the youth hostel by noon and after eating lunch, we rested for seven hours because, hey, we climbed a giant mountain that morning.

About 3/4 of the way up Masada

Panorama of the view when I first made it to the top

Overlooking the Dead Sea

See that steep, windy path going straight up
 the side of that mountain?
That's Masada. I hiked that at sunrise.

      Yesterday (Saturday the 24th) was fabulous. We got to sleep in til 9:00 a.m., eat a good meal at Masada Youth Hostel, and were on the bus and headed for the Dead Sea by 10. We spent a couple of hours on the beach, floating in the salty water and covering our bodies in the mineral mud. I played with one of our staff members' kids, and had a salt-exfoliating party with some friends in the water. When we were done at the beach, we went back to the hostel for lunch, then turned back around and hopped back on the bus for Ein Gedi. At Ein Gedi, we hiked a little bit to find a natural waterfall, where we stayed and played in the fresh water for a couple more hours. When we were done playing, we hiked to a bigger waterfall (where we weren't allowed to play because it was too dangerous), then saw a 2,000 year old synagogue and had mincha services in a sukkah on Kibbutz Ein Gedi. After services, we went back toward Jerusalem (and stopped at an old abandoned resteraunt!) for dinner and free time before coming back to Tzuba. Once we got back (at 9:15), we got our new roommates and room numbers and unpacked our things... however, because we're leaving the kibbutz again this Friday, we're going to have to repeat all of that packing business again in a few days.

Jillian and I covered in mud from (and standing in front of)
the Dead Sea (taken by Yael)

Friends and I sitting on a ledge next to the
 waterfall at Ein Gedi (taken by Jillian)

Same ledge by the waterfall (taken by Jillian)

Laying with friends in shallow pools
(taken by Jillian)

Sitting on part of a wall from the
abandoned restaurant (taken by Tanner)

Needless to say, I'm completely exhausted. These last few days have been ridiculously busy, but so much fun nonetheless. Through the pain, the laughter, and the incredibly salty water that definitely got into places where it should not have been, the time spent away from Kibbutz Tzuba has strengthened my bonds with every single one of my peers with whom I'm sharing this life-changing journey.

Feeling Holy in the Holy Land

Of all the amazing experiences I've had so far here on NFTY EIE, the time that I felt most holy was last night. The gang hopped on a bus toward a small Reform congregation in Jerusalem, where we celebrated Kabbalat Shabbat. Now, this may not seem like that big of a deal... yeah okay a bunch of Reform Jews went to a Reform synagogue, makes sense... but here's the amazing part: we prayed together. "Why is that so amazing?", you ask. Well, let me tell you...

There are two HUGE reasons why this experience was so incredibly powerful:

1. There are not that many Reform Jews in Israel. A very tiny percentage of Israelis are Reform, so the fact that we were able to go to a prayer service with our fellow modern Jews (not even 15 minutes away from where we live) is pretty dang special.
2. The service was conducted entirely in Hebrew, but we could follow along. Here we are, 30 teenagers from all over the Unites States (and one from Australia), and we jumped right in. These Jews, people who live in the Holy Land of our people, sing the same melodies to the same prayers that I have learned since birth back in California, and as a result I can share a holy, spiritual moment with complete strangers... but to be honest, the coolest part is that they're not really strangers. The Jewish people truly are one family, one kehillah kedosha, one holy community of people who share a common faith in our common G-d. 

In addition to our Israeli service experience, we had another amazing Shabbat morning service this morning. I didn't lead, but it was a wonderful experience to simply watch my peers express themselves and their spirituality with the rest of the group. Despite a couple page number mishaps, and one head-butting of the Torah, the service was beautiful. This week there are four yartzheits, or anniversaries of the deaths of loved ones... my grandmother included (and two of my friends here have had their loved ones die within the past week). So while those of us here are mourning our losses, we are all supporting each other with the help of 35 other people, student and staff alike. It's an amazing feeling, knowing that you have so many people in your corner, willing to be there for you in good times and bad. 

*Side Note: zichronah l'vracha (may their memories be for a blessing)*

So for the third time, Shabbat Shalom from Kibbutz Tzuba, and I hope you are well. 

Hiking, Beaches, and Arguments

So a lot has happened over the course of the last few days. Here's a recap of the main events:

1. We went hiking (again) on Thursday, but this time we traveled to Sataf National Park, which is just across the street from Kibbutz Tzuba, in the Judean Hills. Long story short, it was incredible but I limped around the mountains and a natural water cave for about 2.5 hours and another 3 when I got home. We learn so much on all of our tiyulim, our field trips, but I'm not sure how much more my poor bum foot can take (for those of you who are unaware, I have a preexisting foot injury that I've had since I was 10 years old, an injury that forced me to quit competitive figure skating and is irreparable). I'm trying my best to get the most out of these experiences, and while I certainly enjoy the immense amount of knowledge I get out of them, I can't help but dread every day that we go on a hike. My foot hasn't caused me this many problems since I quit skating in 2014, and I've only been here for 2 weeks.
   
   
   
   
2. On Friday, NFTY EIE headed to Rishon Lezion for the day. We woke up bright and early to go to one of the beaches and clean up the garbage that littered the shore. 35 people spent about 2 hours picking up trash, and still there was an enormous amount remaining by the time we left. From the clean-up, we went to one of the shopping malls in the area... it was there that I realized that my little Hebrew knowledge is completely and utterly insufficient, although I felt accomplished when I read the sign pointing to the bathroom and when I told a young woman at a store "lo ivrit" or "no Hebrew". From the mall, we went back to the beach, but a different one this time (this one had less trash and more people). At the second beach, we had about an hour and a half to mess around and play in the water... I was pleasantly shocked when the Mediterranean Sea was significantly warmer than the Pacific Ocean, the body of water that we Californians are used to shivering in. 
   
3. On Saturday morning, I led Shabbat services again, but this time without a guitar. I was the one leading the prayers and telling people what page to turn to (with help from a friend who'd never done it before... and she was pretty fabulous, if I do say so myself), while my other friend had his very first songleading experience. Needless to say, we killed it. See, songleading is fun for me, but leading services is really what I love doing. It makes me truly happy to lead a group of people in finding their spirituality, hence the little fact in my bio about wanting to become a rabbi.
4. Today, I got into a fabulous argument with my Jewish History teacher. He had asked the class which society we would rather have lived in: the one described in the Book of Judges (where gang rape and murder are acceptable) or the one in the Book of Ruth (where she was protected by the men in her life, and treated with relative respect). When some people answered "Judges" he got angry, would not listen to their arguments, and said that they had answered incorrectly. I then, in an attempt to be professional and respectful, expressed that while there may be a morally just answer, while asking a subjective question based on preference, there is no right answer. This comment then led to an hour and a half of discussion and confusion before he finally understood my point and would not be offended if I chose rephrase his question (which I definitely did). I crossed out the controversial question on my paper and wrote "Explain why the Book of Ruth describes a morally just society". One point for me!

After all of this excitement, I am so ready for an evening here at the Kibbutz, just doing my homework in my room... although I know that more adventures are yet to come. 

Tel Gezer: More Than One Ancient City

Today the group and I visited Tel Gezer, one of the most ancient cities in all of Jewish history. However, Tel Gezer is not the ruins of one era, but archaeologists have in fact discovered twenty six layers of separate civilizations, spanning over at least a thousand years. While incredibly interesting, I found myself asking why the hell the staff took us to this place because is was SO hot today... which led me to think, "why did people settle here for so many years?"

This bring me to what we learned today to be known as "The Four D's of Civilization". To build a successful civilization, one must have all four of the following:

1. Drink, or a water source. Originally built by the Canaanites about 4,000 years ago, the city of Gezer has an underground water system. Over the course of many years, the Canaanites chiseled away to create a 40 foot tunnel to access a subterranean water basin, creating sustainability for the city.
   
2.  Dinner, or a consistent food source. Gezer's land is fertile, and the grounds surrounding the archaeological sights are covered in grape vines and olive trees. Having such good agricultural soil and the livestock that were tended by the peole, Tel Gezer was able to thrive for an entire millennium.
   
3. Defense, or a way to protect the city from conquerors. The city of Tel Gezer built an enormous wall surrounding the hill that it was built on, some of which you can still see today. The front gate, the only entrance, was where the citizens of Tel Gezer held their trials and marketplaces, among many other cultural occurrences.
   
4. Dollars, or a stable economy. Gezer was built (26 different times) on a hill about 10 miles from the Mediterranean Sea, right along the ancient trade route that cut from the coast to Jerusalem. It was a minor city, mostly used as a trade stop on the way inland. In fact, if you look to the east, you see Highway 1, the first paved road in Israel, which was built exactly on top one of the major trade routes that runs North to South (parallel to the Judean Hills). 
   

Today we also learned about Canaanite religion and how it coincided with their day to day lives. When these people asked for rain (given that Israel is a desert), they first prayed to their gods. When the rains did not come, they started sacrificing animals. When that didn't work, they kidnapped women and held them as "temple prostitutes" who had sex with powerful men in order to please the gods' sex drives. When even that did not work, they began sacrificing their own children. Because of all of these reasons, the Tanakh condemns the Canaanite lifestyle, and even forbids Jews from intermarrying with them. Below is a picture of the alter where baby boys were sacrificed.

So today was quite eventful. I hiked through hot, dusty hills to see some of the most important physical evidence of ancient life in the Holy Land. I sat with my back against the walls of a 3,000 year old building and learned some very interesting facts about why Jews have lived in this specific area for all of these years.

Adventures and Conflicts

So I'm checking back in after taking a short break from blogging. Two days ago we went to Ben Yehuda Street in Jerusalem city for some general exploring and shopping. To be honest, I thought it'd be more exciting, but it really just reminded me of the Jewish Sector of Los Angeles (but with more Hebrew). However, I did some fabulous falafel and walked around with friends, but then we got on a bus and went back to the Kibbutz. 

Yesterday, we woke up bright and early to go on a hike through the remains of an ancient city and go on an archaeological dig. We dug through a cave and found bones, door handles, coins, and pieces of pottery... We discovered pieces of our history from 3,000 years ago. We also sat inside a burial chamber and crawled through underground tunnels that the Jews built to escape the Romans during the Bar Kochva revolt (1,881 years ago). Although the sights were gorgeous, and I knew how important they were in terms of the history of my people, for a decent part of our trip I felt nauseous from the bus and my foot injuries were killing me from the hiking. So, it wasn't as fun as it could've been, but incredible nonetheless.

When we returned from the trip, we took some free time to get dressed up (modestly), and hopped back on the bus toward the Old City, where we went to pray at the Kotel, the Western Wall. For those who don't know, the Western Wall is the last standing remain of the original Jewish temple (destroyed in about the year 70). This artifact is seen as the holiest place in all of Judaism. First, the whole group went to the egalitarian part of the wall, where we prayed together as Reform Jews and NFTYites always do, and it felt amazing. I could not only feel the energy of the people I was praying with, but when I put my hand on the Wall, I swear I could feel all of the generations of my people who had shared in this life-changing, spiritual, G-dly revelation... then we went to the other part of the Wall. Jokingly known as the "Classic Kotel", the other part is segregated for men and women. Here, I could not pray. I was one of only two participants who did not go down to the separated sections; instead I stood back and watched, crying. 

I saw the segregation and I thought, from a Jewish and from a feminist point of view, that that was not Judaism. Judaism is the first chapter of the Torah that states "Man and woman, G-d created them... Together, G-d created them", and the second chapter that states "and they will be b'tzelem elohim, created in the image of G-d". Judaism is the very common Jewish law that says that every living being has an equal piece of G-d living within their soul, that none is lesser for we are all truly divine... and yet I looked as Orthodox Jews, the people who believe that they are closest to G-d for obeying all of G-d's commandments, shoved women into a tiny section of the Wall, where they were not singing, not dancing, not expressing their faith, while the men stood at a significantly larger portion, doing all of the things that women were not supposed to do... but this alone did not make me cry. I began to weep when I turned to my friend and said, "No matter which side I go to, I'm on the wrong side... I don't identify with one gender; there is no place for me here". 

In Reform Judaism, all genders are welcomed in the community, but here, at this "Holiest of Holy" sight, I felt no connection to my G-d. I felt no spirituality, and I saw no beauty; I only felt pain. I have been blessed until now, in that I have always been accepted for my authentic self in my communities and in my family, and I have never felt real rejection or true heartbreak. I experienced both of these things last night. I felt lost, and again I turned to my friend and I asked her, "When the world spits you out, you turn to religion... when your religion spits you out, where do you go?"... So where do I go? I go back to my Reform community, to my friends and family who love and accept me, but still I cannot shake that feeling. The feeling of knowing that while I see Orthodox Jews as my equals, as human beings with sparks of G-d within them, they do not see me in that way. To them, the people who share my faith and pray to the same G-d as I do, I am less than, and I am irrelevant... 

Besides my personal feelings, the hardest part of this experience was seeing all of the children. I have often heard that my generation will be the one to change the world, and yet I see so many children behaving with just as much bigotry and inequality at their parents, and my heart hurts for them. They have no idea that there is a whole world of exploration and identity outside of Old Jerusalem. I wish there was something I could do, not to break their faiths, but to broaden their minds to new opportunities and points of view that they don't even know are out there. All I want is to educate these children on what happens outside the world of ancient tradition, then let them choose for themselves, as opposed to conditioning them to be so closed-minded from birth. 

So you see, here's the conflict. I am a Jew. 100%. When people ask me what I do, how I live my life, I say "I am Jewish" before anything else. So, of course, the Land of Israel and the Kotel are incredibly important to me. They tell the story of my people who fought for my right to be alive and practicing Judaism. But that being said, I'm conflicted because these place contradict so much of what I believe in, and even who I am as a queer person, as a feminist, and as a modernist. So my struggle and my conflict is not with an Orthodox person telling me who to be, it is with myself. Two equally relevant parts of my identity are clashing, and I'm not quite sure how to handle it. 

On a much more pleasant note, today I songlead the first Shabbat here at Kibbutz Tzuba, and despite my lack of preparation I felt very confident. My classmates were getting into the service and singing with me, and I received many congratulations afterward. One boy, who I haven't really connected with yet, told me that it was the first service where he wasn't looking at his watch and waiting for it to end, but that he actually felt connected to Judaism for the first time... as a songleader and an aspiring rabbi, these words meant more to me than I can possibly express. So, tonight I'm leading havdallah with another one of the EIE participants, and I am sincerely hoping that my new family and I can all have an equally meaningful experience as the one we shared this morning. 

(With Tanner on Ben Yehuda Street in Jerusalem)

(Entrance to ancient Jewish burial cave)

(Laying in an ancient grave)

(Temple Mount at the Kotel)